Example One - Being with sadness

As we talk about this situation, you notice some sadness, and some protective parts that would like you to be angry, not sad. We listen for a moment to this angry part, and it lets you know it is also angry with you, you “should have” done things differently! After you listen to it and appreciate its perspective and it’s good intention for you, we ask it to “step back” enough for you to be with the part of you feeling so much sadness. The part does step back, and as a result, you are able to feel a lot more Self energy, you feel compassionate towards the part of you feeling sad and you are able to forgive your younger self, who was doing the best that she could at the time. This is huge for you, to find compassion and love for your own parts in this way.

You also notice that it is not as hard to be with the sadness as some of your other parts imagined, and that there is a certain relief and shift that you can feel as a result of being with your sad part.

We talk a little about the way your family deals with feelings, and your sense is that feelings are often unacknowledged and come out as resentment and anger. This contrasts fairly sharply with the way your husband’s family deal with feelings, and you are drawn to his family because of this.

You notice a shift again at the end of the session, and a certain new found capacity to be with things as they are, in a place of acceptance and compassion.

 

 Example Two - Getting to know Protectors

You are getting more and more familiar with your “system” of protectors who protect your inner vulnerable boy…

 

At first it seems like these parts can get activated and make your partner a target… the parts sneak up on you in familiar ways, so that you can be calm and peaceful in one moment and surprised by parts that seem to come down a slide, and say mean things to her.  These parts take over in a split second, and you only become aware of them, after the fact…

 

With reflection, and after the fact, you can begin to examine these parts and their beliefs and physical standards, and opinions.  This helps you separate and differentiate these various parts, so that you can understand how and where their beliefs and opinions have come from.  

 

Generally speaking, the parts are churning a bit, and feel negative to you - about what they said to your partner, about the possibility of doing the mindfulness course, about the hike and the competitive energy of the “two leaders”... all of it is striking you negatively, and it feels like you are always having “to pull teeth” just to live your life. As we recognise and accept that these are your parts’ perceptions at the moment, the parts relax enough to let you recall some of the nicer aspects of the hike and the views.  

 

The part that is annoyed with you for being so sensitive and feeling the tension between the two hike leaders, continues to find ways to complain, about that hike, and about another hike...things that people did to take away from the peace and calm that is available in nature...and things you did in reaction, in response, that kept the full resourcing capacity of being in nature, at arm’s length for you. This part complains about the  disconnected places it finds itself in, and how extreme it all can feel… and we listen with compassion and understanding… yes, sometimes it is so hard for all of your parts and you…

.

Sometimes this part and others get overwhelmed by how much other people live covered over by their unconscious parts.  The task of living amongst them can sometimes feel daunting and you can feel like hot water poured over an iceberg, knowing you can’t melt the whole thing.    

 

You come back again and again to your practice.  Sometimes, when you forget, this part gets very angry with you...and wants to read you the riot act for a while…  I remind you that even just holding the memory of calm and Self, can sometimes be enough, as we weather the little storms our parts can bring us…  

 

We talk about the many ways that you are putting yourself into new situations and helping yourself be there from a new more grounded place.  Sometimes parts get too triggered, sometimes they are “manageably triggered”...sometimes you feel relatively calm and grounded the whole time.

 

We come back to talking about the dynamics of your relationship with your partner, and the need that brought you together, the trade offs you have both made, and the compromises you both make, to take care of each other. Certain dynamics have been born out of that foundation, and when you find that you or she, bare your teeth at each other, parts of you are ashamed and a part pushes you to do better.

 

When we spend time investigating what happens just before the volcano erupts for you, you notice that there is a pressure and an overwhelming need to vocalise.  A part knows better, and a part says, you have to put her in her place.  And she does it to you too. And you are aware that this does damage to the calm and peaceful experience of just being on the beach, or wherever you enjoy peaceful time together, without judgement or criticism… this part wants you to do better, to find a way to let go of the parts that “knife her in the back”, or at least hold them back…

 

Again, understanding the parts that hold judgement and criticism, from a place that does not judge or criticise the judgement and criticism, helps them feel understood and accepted in a way that helps them relax and step back and lets Self lead…

 

Understanding that many of the parts have their own beliefs and standards based on tv and commercials and culture “norms”...these parts can lose perspective. We need Self and the other parts to remind them all of deeper appreciation for each other, beyond the norm of “appearances”. And this reflection, this process, does just that…

 

So, I want to reassure you and all of your parts, that you are doing the work, you are in the process, of finding a way to be more Self led, speaking for parts instead of from parts, and we ALL, including me, get taken over by parts and have to sort through them, in just this way, riding the wave of discomfort that can come with losing our way…


I thank you for your practice, for your concern and caring and regard, to make this world a better place, to help yourself be the change you want to see in the world, for doing the work, with what you have, from where you are...



Example Three - Unblending

We do a little work with a part of you that has a lot of anger, and you have noticed that this part can act out in “disproportionate ways”. This part starts in your solar plexus and expands up and out, expressing like steam coming out of your ears. When I ask you how you feel towards it, you find a part that is a little bit afraid of it, and another part that gets a little excited by it.

You find the part that is a little bit afraid of the part that is angry in your shoulders, which also fall forward in protection. The part that gets excited is also in your shoulders and pulls them back to bring your chest forward a little bit….

I ask you to let these parts know you are there with them, and see if, as you acknowledge them, they can also acknowledge you. Yes they can feel your presence, your Self energy.

I also ask if these two parts (the one that is a little fearful, and the one that is a little excited) could step back and just let you “be with” the angry part so you might get to know it better…

These two parts do step back, and you say, it also feels like you step forward…

The angry part lets you know that it feels a little out of control, and yet empowered, and when the heat builds, it kind of says “fuck it” and lets the steam go up and out your ears, with matching words…

Then as you let the part know you are there with it, that you get what it is saying about itself, you feel it calm down with your acknowledgement and recognition, and you feel separate from it, not so “blended” anymore…

From this calmer place it is easier to speak for your part, and the issues that have caused the anger. The clarity of your Self energy helps you to take on board some of the reasons for this part’s anger and resolve to speak to your husband about it, from this calm space of Self energy.